that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
