I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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