your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
