wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
