If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
