I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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