sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
