Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My dick has a subreddit
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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