dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
