I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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