please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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