ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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