Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
