I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
