I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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