I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
