Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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