'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
