It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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