i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
