All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
