I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
