Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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