I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
