vagina is talking i cant
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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