Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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