Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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