You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
