ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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