OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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