I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
