i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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