So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
