I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh god it's open bar.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
