its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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