i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
