I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
