I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
