I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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