why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
