I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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