I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
