My first STD was from a foam party
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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