i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
