You smell like stripper and shame
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
