We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
