he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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