She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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