Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We're too hungover to prance.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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