I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
