what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
