she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize