loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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