Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
