i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
