was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
