seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
