someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
