omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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