I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
