I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
