He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
