I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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