Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
