he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
