Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
