I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
