thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
