Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
In America we eat man semen.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
