I just cut my nipple shaving
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
