Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
