yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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